How my evenings have changed...

Before The Monster was born, my evenings were simple and relaxing. I would get home, make dinner, clean the kitchen, pick up the apartment (if there was actually anything out of place), play with the cats, watch TV, shower, and go to bed. Sometimes I'd do a little bit of work. And sometimes, I'd work on a project, like a photo album. All of this occurred between 5:30 and 10:15 (I would always turn off the TV and pass out right after the weather report).

Now... things are a slight bit different. I get home at 6:15, hand off The Monster to Big D so he can diaper and feed her, make dinner (thank God for Dream Dinners), pump, bathe The Monster, read to her, play with her, give her lots of kisses, either Big D or I will put her to bed... and then it's time to sterilize her bottles, fill them up for daycare, and do the dishes. Big D is great about trading off some of those tasks with me along with his usual chores of kitty litter and gathering trash. Then I shower and pass out as soon as I can, because I am still attempting in vain to catch up on my massive sleep deficit. I'm usually asleep by 9:30.

Notice what's missing - the kitchen is no longer clean. The dishes are done, but only because I need a glass in which to drink my carnation instant breakfast in the morning. But the kitchen counters are still covered with mail, groceries, whatever. I never have time to pick up the house. Sometimes, I'll spend a couple of minutes putting up toys in the living room, but I never pick up anywhere else in the house. I rarely watch TV, and when I do, it's not something informative like the news... it's a Tivo'ed copy of The Real Housewives of NYC or Top Chef. I never catch up on my work (my boss must love that). And the poor cats are completely ignored. Pumpkin asks, "why don't you pay attention to me anymore?"

Will things ever get back to the way they were? Will there ever be a time that The Monster does not need attention 100% of the time? Will my floors ever be mopped again????

My good friend Margaret suggested that I spend time with The Monster before she goes to bed and then do chores after she's down. That has definitely helped, but my house still is a total wreck. Maybe I can convince my best friend to come down and play nanny again for the weekend. My mother-in-law is more than happy to come up and watch The Monster while Big D and I do housework or whatever, but when she ends up coming up, we race out the door like we've been locked up for years citing our inability to have date nights anymore.

Here is a picture of Megan with The Monster - she came down to visit last December, but then Big D ended up getting sick, so she spent the weekend grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, and being a nanny to The Monster. Here she is saying, "No crying. This is bullshit" to her. I think they really connected.

But is housework all that important? Will any impromptu visitors really give a crap that my dining room has been taken over by dirty bibs and blankets that pile up from daycare? Will anyone really care that there is enough cat hair on the sofa to knit a scarf? I know logically that it is more important to spend time with The Monster - giving her lots of kisses, making her laugh, helping her learn to sit up and grasp at toys. But I can't help but feel unsettled by the state of my house. Maybe it's because we moved when I was so pregnant, I could barely get off the sofa to unpack anything. I never got the house unpacked enough for it to have that homey feeling. Even now, there is only one picture on the wall. And we have a lot of pictures and a lot of walls. When will I hang the rest of the pictures up? When will I finally dust the living room again?

I am an overachiever by nature. It took a while, but in my late 20's, I learned to have a good balance between being a good wife/friend/daughter/employee/person. Now that I have a longer commute and a baby, I feel like I'm mediocre, bordering on bad, at all the roles that I have. Yet I feel like everyone around me is GREAT at everything. How do you balance your time between your kids/work/pets/friends? How do you find a way to be a good friend/wife/mother/daughter/employee? Is there some secret out there to being able to balance it all without going insane? Or is everyone just faking it?

My messy kitchen - and this is a picture taken before The Monster was born! Add in a toy basket and a bottle drying rack. And the plants are now dead. I'm too embarrassed to post a picture of what it looks like now.