Dramatic Interpretation of a Bizarre Day

My interview yesterday was really strange. The guy I met with was wearing jeans (which I thought was pretty cool), and he barely listened to what I said. At one point, he asked me if I was precocious. Whatever.

Anyway, his firm doesn't do the type of work I'd like to do, but I'd be happy doing it. It'd be a job after all as this job is clearly about to end. However, taking a job in that field would almost guarantee that I'd never get to do what I went to law school for. In any event, he said that he had a job for me or he could pass my name on to some of his friends for an in-house counsel position. In-house jobs are coveted! You get to work 8 to 5, and you don't have to bill a client in 6 minute increments for every single thing you do. Instead, it's like a "normal" job. You go to work, you do your job, and you go home at the end of the day. You stay late if you need to for a project, but you are not required to bill 2,000 hours a year. Oh to be so lucky!

But his offer put me in a predicament. Do I tell him "I'd love to work for you" or "Hook a girl up with some contacts?" We hadn't talked salary, benefits, 401(k), etc., so I had no idea what the job he "offered" was like. Maybe I'd get to wear jeans. He brought in his partner who expressed a great interest in passing my name on to his friends. I don't get it. They acted as if that was their intention all along. I guess they wanted to meet with me to make sure I wasn't some friggin' idiot. Weird. So I told them I would appreciate them passing my info on to their friends. They said, "we'll e-mail you today or tomorrow to let you know what happens." I haven't heard anything yet. In fact, I have a gut feeling that I fucked up by agreeing with their very strong suggestion to pass my info on.

Should I have instead said I'd like to work for them? Even if they offered a great salary, I would have had trouble getting from that part of town to Suburbia to pick up the Monster before school closes. And what if they weren't family-friendly? I met with them in the front conference room, so I wasn't able to see if the other attorneys had pictures of their kids on their desks. Would they throw a fit if I wanted to pump three times a day? What if I didn't live up to their expectations... this guy has known my dad since the early 80s... what if he has some crazy expectation about how smart I should be or whatever based on my dad? I guess there's no point in second guessing myself at this point. I went with my gut.

I guess it doesn't really matter. At this point, I treat my current job like Jim Halpert on The Office. I don't really give a shit about it anymore. I come in, do my job, and leave at 5... with the attitude that I don't care. It's a good thing that my boss hasn't been around much lately - he'd probably be able to tell just by looking at me that I've stopped caring. I suppose it doesn't matter what job I have, because in a few years, I'm going to try to put a new plan into place: The Professor Plan.


I totally want to be a college professor. I would love to be able to teach, yet have the freedom to tell the slack offs that their F is going to stand. My mother-in-law is a teacher as are many of my friends. I hear so many stories about "no child left behind" and "teaching to the test." And I hear stories about horrendous parents who refuse to see that their kid is a total dumbass who disrespects the teacher and doesn't care about learning anything. I couldn't take that. I would be so furious at being forced to pass kids who didn't deserve it. My mom taught math a long time ago in a town where football was more important than oxygen. The quarterback was in her algebra class and he had earned himself an F, which meant he wasn't allowed to play in the state playoffs. The principal told her to pass the quarterback or she would be out of a job. She needed the work, so she had to pass the lazy mother fucker. (I bet the asshole went off to college on a full scholarship too, just because of his ability to catch and run... because that's what should matter in life.) I imagine that being a college professor is so much better - your students want to be there, and since they're adults, you don't have to deal with their parents. Sure, the parents may try to call, but I wouldn't have to talk to them. All that rambling to say that my ultimate goal is to one day be a professor at one of the local universities that has an extension campus near my suburb. I could even swing summers off after a few years! So really, I just have to get through the next few years while I pay down the student loan debt and figure out how to put my plan into action.

Of course, that doesn't help now when my current job is about to end.

The other lead I had appears to have dried up as well. I had e-mailed my resume out to someone and name dropped a friend of my dad's as requested. The guy e-mailed me back and said, call "L" the week of the 12th. So I did. "L" was a bitch to me. She acted like she didn't give a crap who I was or who recommended me to her boss. I said, "I'd love to meet with Mr. Boss this week to discuss my credentials." She said, "are you available Wednesday?" I said, "yes" She said, "Let me ask Mr. Boss, and I'll call you back." I haven't heard back from her yet. Bitch. Did she even pass on the message? So I resorted to e-mailing Mr. Boss again - offering to take him to lunch since I know he is a busy man. I don't expect a return e-mail.

I'm never going to find a new job. I'm going to get laid off from this one when the work finally ends. I'll be forced into taking a night job to try to pay the bills. I'll work odd hours, because those are the shifts I'll be able to find. And I'll never get to see The Monster. I won't get to use my law degree. We'll go into foreclosure on our house. We'll have to move in with my parents. Big D will meet a cute nurse whose boobs don't hang down to her belly button from breastfeeding, and I'll be a single mom. Hmm... me thinks I might be over reacting.

SOMEONE OFFER ME A JOB ALREADY!

Bueller... Bueller.... Bueller...