Traffic Pet Peeves

Being a perfectionist, I am a Rules-Follower, so it irks me when people blatantly disregard the rules, especially the rules of the road designed as a way to keep us safe from ourselves. As someone who was extensively injured in a car accident a few years ago, I'm a fan of being safe on the road.

Here are a few pet peeves of mine...

1. Weaving in and out of traffic at high speeds. I don't mean merely changing lanes, I mean, darting in between cars with mere millimeters of clearance.

2. The lack of illumination in the third brake light - or even better - no brake lights at all. Brake lights are there for a reason. I love that people don't replace the bulbs - especially in new cars that alert you when the damned light is out. Maybe they think that if they're hit from behind, they won't get the ticket, so who the fuck cares? I care, which is why I'm armed with a disposable camera in my glove box lest some idiot hit me. They will rue the day I start my photolog of their stupidity.

3. People pulling into the intersection when there is not room to move forward. This pisses me off every single day! As I make the journey from the downtown of Large City to Boondocks Suburb, I have to drive through a thousand stoplights before I get to a freeway. In one particular part of town, people insist on nudging into the intersection and sitting there. Then their light turns red. There's no room for them up ahead due to the gridlock, so there they sit blocking the cross-traffic. Then my light turns green, but I can't go anywhere because of the entitled jackass in front of me. Then my light turns yellow, just as Jackass and his cohorts are able to make it out of the intersection. But by the time there is room for me to get by, my light is red. And their light turns green. Rinse and repeat. It's fucking ridiculous. And it happens every single day. What happened to common courtesy, people??? It's even illegal in this state, not that anyone gives a damn.

4. Waiting until the very last second to move over into the exit lane when clearly there were a thousand cars behind them waiting their turn. What makes this person so entitled? We're all in a hurry. We're all late for work. We all have to pee/eat/drink/whatever. Clearly there is a long line of traffic as the queue for the exit ramp is larger than its capacity, yet there is always some asshole who thinks they are too good to wait in line. Instead, they speed past the line and at the very last second try to cut in line. GRR! I HATE THAT! "Who the FUCK do you think you are?" I yell. (I need to stop doing that before The Monster's first words are "fuck" and "you.") I fight the fight and stay on the bumper of the guy in front of me so as to keep Lazy Asshole from cutting in. Though, they always get in. Some pushover always lets them in, or Lazy Asshole is aggressive enough to make you fear for the paint job of your car. (Sometimes I wish I still had my POS from college - I use to dare people to get too close.) But they get in causing another asshole does it, and the cycle continues day after day. One could argue that maybe they didn't see the line for the exit, because boo hoo, they aren't from this city... or whatever. Yes, that happens, and it's wonderful that here in the South, people are kind enough to wave you in. But when it happens in rush hour traffic day in and day out, it's bullshit. As Big D would say, "Stop whining. Your initiation is over. You know what lane to be in, you stupid idiot, so get in line."

5. Tacky bumper stickers. Not that this one affects safety all that much, but it was worth mentioning. There is a BMW that I often see on the way into town. It's bumper sticker says, "A Nice Ass Should Be Seen Not Heard." Let's analyze that. Does this nice ass belong to a woman? If so, that's quite a statement - if this guy's single, then I hope he remains that way. And I hope women are smart enough not to hang out with the chauvinistic pig. Big D wonders if this guy wants a woman that never farts. Since I over-analyze everything, I thought maybe this sticker is about other cars... since it is on the ass end of a BMW. I too dislike loud cars, especially those with extra large mufflers. I'm not sure why people spend thousands and thousands of dollars souping up (or as I call it - "ghetto-tizing") perfectly functional vehicles. These people obviously want to be looked at. I see it as an admission of a small penis. In any event, seeing that I am practical, I believe it is a HUGE waste to put so much money into something that could be wrecked or stolen at any moment. And if wrecked, the insurance company ain't gonna pay you for the hot pink spinners you put on the wheels. That money would be much better spent enrolling yourself in some college classes, assuming you actually graduated from high school before you started your job at Kentucky Fried Chicken. (As a sidebar -I'm liking this blogging thing... look at me going all off on people I don't know to people I don't know. I may even offend a few, but while I try to be non-confrontational in general, it's a blog, and blogs are best when they are full of sarcasm and commentary.) But I digress. To really drive home the point, Chauvinistic-BMW-man decided to cut the top corners off of the bumper sticker to fit it on the ass end of his pretentious car - quite the statement. If he likes such a perfect ass, why has he fucked his rear view all up?

This was taken with my camera phone, so forgive the lack of clarity. But you get the point...

At least all of his brake lights are illuminated...