Things I Have Learned

Everyone told me that I lost my job for a reason. That it was a test, part of the plan, and/or a means to a greater end. Sometimes I felt that people just say those things because that's what you're supposed to say. But I also think people really believe that advice. I am one of those people. I believe there is a plan. I believe we are faced with challenges to test our character. I believe that when shit hits the fan, something great may be around the corner, but that you have to go through the shit to get to the greatness. Now that I've come out on the other end of the proverbial shit, I often reflect back on the lessens learned. Afterall, that's what it was about, right? I wasn't put through that for nothing. I better have learned something! Lucky for you, I've compiled a list (I love lists) of what I learned while being unemployed:


1. You have to count on your friends. Holding everything inside for fear of being a broken record of "why is this happening to me?" isn't healthy. I honestly believe I was depressed for a while. I withdrew from everyone and stopped calling friends or returning their calls. But they persisted, and I am so thankful for that. They knew I was going through a hard time, and they knew that I needed to talk about it. They were right. I realized it when Big D told me in his "I'm a medical professional, so you'd better listen to my advice" voice, "Annie, you are definitely exhibiting signs of depression." "Really? I mean, I'm feeling down and stuff, but depressed?" "Yes." Wow. When a doctor tells you that, then you know you're in trouble. I decided to pull myself out of it. I'm lucky that I was able to. I believe that a lot of people get into such a depressed state that they can't help themselves. I started talking to my friends again and I began talking about the fear, anxiety, and general feeling of failure I was experiencing. They listened, even though they all had their own life-crap to deal with. They told me everything would be okay eventually. They reminded me of the blessings in my life. They reminded me that they are a blessing in my life. And for that I am very grateful. You know who you are, ladies, and I seriously could not have gotten through it without you.


2. Budgeting. As an adult, I have always had debt. I took out $20K in student loans for undergrad. My parents gave me money for my apartment and for sorority, but I took out the loans for tuition. My mom told me that it was an investment in my future, that I would perform well if I had a financial stake in it. I think she was right. But in any event, I'm not going to complain about paying tuition - she did provide a place to live, sorority dues, and I spent a semester in Europe in 1998. Poor me, right? Exactly.


Budgeting has never been something I've been good at. Let's just say that I don't have good role models in that department. When I was working after college, I called Megan in a panic one Saturday: "I can't pay my credit card bill this month!!!!!" My clothes shopping and bar hopping were adding up. She very calmly told me that I needed to cut expenses and be sure to pay it all off the next month. Her parents taught her well. Despite very detailed conversations about things that would make you blush, she and I rarely discuss specifics of our finances... but I bet she still doesn't have any credit card debt. (Do you???) I managed to live the rest of that time before law school without accumulating any more debt and paying extra on my student loan payments. And I bought a queen bed and a washer and dryer with cash!


Then came law school. Holy cow! I took out a lot of student loans. A lot. But I still didn't have any credit card debt for two years. Until Big D and I got engaged. I put our honeymoon to Bora Bora on a credit card. I'm still paying for that trip! For real. Despite that credit card debt, I've always just bought what I wanted when I wanted it. That is a very bad habit, and I knew it the whole time, but I did it anyway. I'm not sure why I'm like that - it is how I was raised, I guess.


Here is my point: The whole unemployment thing is totally breaking that cycle. This is not a novel concept to any of you (or even to me): I actually think about my purchases before I make them. I look at an item or the latte and ask myself if it is worth the half an hour or so of work to buy it. Most of the time, it's a big fat "no." Not hard, right? It is for me. I think of it like losing weight. We all know what to do to lose weight: eat less calories, eat better foods, and move our asses more. Simple concept, but hard for some people to implement. That is my problem with money. I know what I need to do, but I just can't seem to do it.


Since I lost my job last year, I've certainly improved in that department. Now that I have a real job again, I plan on keep up my frugal tactics... forever. I want to get my loans paid off as well as my credit cards. I have paid them off before, then I run them back up. So when I get them paid off, I'm going to close all but one. I've already closed one card, actually.

This may be too much information. I don't usually spread my financial business around this much. But somehow losing my job and going through the crap has made me very open about it. But if I have this compulsive spending problem, maybe some of you do too. Maybe you run up your credit cards after paying them off. Maybe you get a consolidation loan to pay off your cards, and then run them up again. Maybe you buy what you want when you want it. Maybe you can learn from my mistakes. I sure hope you can!


I absolutely vow to turn this around and teach The Monster how to budget and spend less money than she makes. I am going to break the cycle of poor spending habits. Dave Ramsey says it's breaking the family tree. I can't say that I would have this resolve if not for losing my job and thus making a lot less money. Pretty good lesson, huh? Even if I had to hit rock bottom to learn it.

3. Don't take anything for granted. I always thought that I'd always have a job. I don't steal. I do my work. I show up on time - early, actually. I just assumed I'd always have a job and thus security. No way, no how. The rug was pulled out from underneath my comfortable booty, and it's got me all-a-flustered. I'm not taking anything for granted again. I'm thankful for every single thing in my life right now, right down to the irritating toilet that has been running in our bathroom. And I plan on remaining thankful so that I can sustain these blessings.

4. Taking your lunch can help you lose weight. A great way to save money is to take your lunch. Turns out it's a great way to lose weight. When I'm not packing in hamburgers and french fries at $6 a pop, I'm nuking frozen dinners, munching on muffins, and eating tuna fish. And as a bonus, my butt is smaller than this time last year. Score!

I'm sure there's more stuff that could go in my list, but that's all I've got a the moment. I never ever thought I'd say this, but I'm actually glad that jerk fired me last August. I'm a whole new person now, and maybe, just maybe, I'm a better person too.